Understanding Anger

Written By Grace Nguyen

Photo courtesy of Freepik

Anger Is An Emotion

Anger is one of the basic human emotions and is expressed by everyone across all cultures. It is commonly experienced in many relationships and situations within families, in the workplace, on the road, and in everyday interactions. In other words, anger is a normal part of human existence.  

The Purpose of Anger

That said, anger can also be complex and difficult to understand. In some sense, anger can be positive. As Tafrate & Kassinove (2019) note in their book Anger Management for Everyone, “It’s part of the ups and downs of relationships and can be a useful signal that something isn’t right” (p. 9). Certain expressions of anger may promote understanding between people by signaling that something important is being discussed, which can lead others to listen more carefully. Anger may also inspire us to make changes in our lives and confront situations we have been avoiding.

When Anger Becomes a Problem

Although anger itself is not inherently problematic and harmful, the way we express our anger can be. When anger arises, there is potential to lose control or not think clearly. When this happens, anger can turn into an issue and leave behind negative consequences. Anger can be unpleasant, drive impulsivity, and ruin relationships or lead to arguments, inappropriate behaviors, and regret. Anger may also increase the risk of physical health concerns, such as headaches and heart attack.

On a broader level, anger can interfere with cognitive functioning and judgment, making problem-solving more difficult. This not only affects close relationships with loved ones at home, but can even cause problems at work with co-workers and in social settings in general. In more severe cases, unmanaged anger may contribute to the development of psychiatric disorders. 

Different Types of Anger

Not all anger looks the same. Hence, understanding the different ways anger can show up may help us better recognize and manage our emotional responses.

The first type is instrumental anger, also known as delayed or covert anger. This form of anger is often repressed or kept inside for a period of time and often leads to a desire for revenge. When a response is finally made, it resembles proactive aggression, building internally before eventually surfacing. This type of anger is commonly triggered by threats or bullying behaviors and is internally fueled by recollections of past experiences.

The second type is reactive anger, also known as overt anger. This is an immediate and active response to anger triggers such as dismissive, fearful, or threatening situations. Reactive anger is often driven by impulse, lack of control, limited social skills, and reduced cognitive awareness in the moment. 

Final Thoughts and Questions

Anger is a universal and natural emotion, and—in many ways—it serves an important purpose. However, when anger is expressed in unhealthy or uncontrolled ways, it can negatively affect relationships, mental health, and physical well-being. Rather than eliminating anger, counseling often focuses on understanding its underlying causes, recognizing early warning signs, and developing healthier ways to express it. When we learn to listen to our anger instead of fearing or suppressing it, we can transform it into a tool for growth, communication, and self-understanding.

Here are some questions to reflect on as you consider how anger is impacting your life and the lives of those around you:

  • How do I usually experience anger? Does it tend to show up suddenly or does it build over time?

  • In what situations or relationships does my anger seem to surface most often?

  • If my anger could communicate something important, what might it be trying to tell me?

For further reading on anger, check out the following articles by other CCCRD therapists:

Sources:

  • Chin, L. S. & Ahmad, N.S. (2019). Anger Management for Adolescents. Penerbit USM.

  • Tafrate, R. C, & Kassinove, H. (2019). Anger Management for Everyone: Ten Proven Strategies

  • To Help You Control Anger and Live a Happier Life. Second Edition. Impact.

  • Welty, J. P. (2011). Psychology of Anger: Symptoms, Causes and Coping. Nova Science Publishers, Inc.

Grace Nguyen
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Rebuilding Self-Esteem