5 Ways Your Anger May Be Trying to Help You
Anger is a natural and normal emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. It’s not very popular or pleasant. It is something we try to avoid. I don’t want to be angry, and I don’t particularly enjoy being around you when you're angry.
In the Christian community, it is even more complicated. Most of us try not to be angry so we don’t sin, or at least so we are not seen as angry sinners. This makes sense, but before you get angry with me, consider that your anger (or someone else’s) may be trying to tell you something.
Counselors everywhere will note that eventually it’s important to look at what is underneath the anger. We need to consider the softer, less protective emotions that anger armors well. However, there can also be value in assessing anger itself. While it can be destructive if it is not managed properly, acknowledging and honoring anger can actually be healthy and helpful.
Here are five ways anger can be helpful:
1. Anger can help us identify and address problems
When we feel angry, it is often because something is not right in our lives. It makes us ask, what has changed that is bringing up this anger? Toward what is my anger directed? What does anger do for me? By acknowledging and honoring our anger, we can use it as a signal to pay attention to what is causing the emotion and take steps to address the problem.
2. Anger can motivate us to take action
Feeling angry can give us energy and determination to take action and make changes in our lives. This can be especially useful when we are feeling powerless or stuck in a situation that we feel is unfair or unjust. We are rarely motivated to make changes when we feel OK, even when we see the need to do so. Acknowledging and assessing the source of anger can help us proactively take steps toward change.
3. Anger can help us set boundaries
If we feel angry because someone is crossing our boundaries or treating us disrespectfully, acknowledging and honoring that anger can help us communicate our needs and assert ourselves. It can also help us to recognize when we need to set better boundaries in our relationships.
4. Anger can be a natural part of grieving
When we lose someone or something important to us, it is normal to feel a range of emotions, including anger. Acknowledging and honoring this anger can be an important part of the grieving process and can help us to move through our feelings and come to a place of acceptance.
5. Anger can be cathartic
When we are able to express our anger in a healthy way, it can be a cathartic experience that helps us to release tension and regain control of our emotions. This is especially important if we have a tendency to suppress our anger—ignoring anger can lead to unhealthy behaviors such as passive-aggressive behavior or even physical symptoms like hypertension. Find a healthy and appropriate way to let anger out, and you can “be angry and sin not.”
Not an excuse to behave badly
I am not suggesting that we stay angry or use these categories as an excuse to behave badly. Anger does not always serve a healthy cause. Often anger simply spotlights our own selfishness and need for a savior. But with this knowledge in mind, we are freed to be curious about our anger and what it reveals about ourselves.
It is important to note that while acknowledging and honoring anger can be healthy, it’s also important to manage it in a healthy way. This means finding healthy outlets for expression, such as talking to a trusted friend or therapist, or participating in a physical activity like exercise, spending time in nature, praying, and spending time with God. Stay tuned—I’ll offer some healthy ways to handle anger in an upcoming article.