Who Is Your Support System?
Humans were made to be relational. God planned for us to be focused on fellowship. This is the reason Scripture speaks frequently about relationship and how we can love others well; so many of our sinful struggles revolve around the way that we treat each other.
In my last article, I discussed dealing with disappointment and minimizing regret in life. Many of the situations that we get frustrated with, feel disappointed in, or wind up wishing we did differently often have to do with others. But when we are able to work through these difficulties with others, we can find reconciliation and resolution.
The Need For Support Systems
Why is it difficult to connect with others as adults? Kids make best friends in a day, and adolescents have connections all around them in school or shared activities. But as they move into adulthood, people gain more responsibilities and commitments. They start full-time jobs, get married, have children, and suddenly it becomes so much more difficult to keep up with relationships, let alone make new meaningful friendships. But despite it’s difficulty, all of this still doesn’t take away the necessity of an effective support system.
In my work with clients, I make it a point to help them recognize and utilize relational supports. The amount of adult clients I have met who cannot identify a support system with whom they can be fully honest is staggering. If this is you, if you feel you do not have a community to support you in times of need, please understand that you are not alone. There is a way forward.
How to Identify a Support System
I’ve found there are three things that can help identify and create a support system:
1. Seek Space for Growth
First, consider what it would look like to better yourself. In what aspect of life could you afford to grow? Put yourself in contexts where you can meet others who are also interested in growing in those areas. You’ll find people who can potentially be fellow travelers for your path.
2. Find Similar Values
Second, find others who have similar values. What do you want your life to focus on? Serving others? Growing in health? Gaining knowledge? When you share values with others and are trying to grow alongside them, it will promote connection. You’ll build trust, empathy, compassion, and care for each other—an important foundation for long-term healthy relationships.
3. Be a Support to Others
Third, be willing to do for others what you hope they’ll do for you. This mutuality is a characteristic of healthy supports. Any healthy relationship should be a two-way street. If you are looking for supportive and life-giving connection, then it is important to recognize what you are willing to do to provide the same to others. Friendship takes time, energy, and understanding. If you don’t commit to these things, more often than not, relationships will eventually fall by the wayside.
Jesus’ Model of Community
When Jesus came to Earth to live as fully man and fully God, he was not alone. He was born to a mother and father, had siblings, friends, and community. He had relationships just the same as we do. When it came time for his ministry, one of the first things that he did was find others to join him in that journey. He found the disciples and did life with them through his years of ministry. As usual, he not only preached how we as believers should live in this sinful world, but he also actively showed it. He knew the importance of community and that having those men alongside him was necessary for his ministry to be effective and fulfilled.
When I look at how Jesus’ followers lived together, supported each other, and showed Christ’s love to one another to the best of their ability, I am reminded of how much relationships and community is a blessing. Love those around you, be blessed through support, and create opportunities for growth and healing. This is the beauty of genuine community.