How to Deal with Regret and Disappointment

Life can be really hard sometimes. We have difficult jobs, difficult people to deal with, financial frustrations, the loss of loved ones or relationships—and the list could go on and on. All these bring with them disappointments and regrets. But don’t worry, you don’t have to deal with them alone.

The Comfort in Lessons Learned

Regret involves a lot of “kicking ourselves” for ways we didn’t effectively think through the consequences. While there is nothing we can do to change the past, we can learn from our past to make better decisions in the future. Somehow, learning the lessons available in our failings helps to ease the pain of their consequences, even when it doesn’t erase them. To diminish the feelings of regret, we can accept the opportunity to learn and grow.

Disappointment is something that we will inevitably deal with throughout life. It takes intentional time and effort to confront disappointment head-on. Working through those issues is not easy and will often feel worse before it gets better. But that’s a pivotal part of the process.

Working Through Disappointment and Regret

While it looks a bit different for everyone, here’s a framework for working through and, hopefully, feeling more peace and understanding in regrets and disappointment. 

1. Recognize What Caused It

First, it’s important to recognize what caused your regret or disappointment. Regret often feels big and far-reaching. Recognizing a cause allows you to identify the source of the pain and gives a central focus for what needs to be reconciled within your heart and mind. 

2. Make a Plan

Second, create steps to work through the reasons for struggles. Break it down into small increments. We all want deep healing right away—more realistically, we can experience daily and weekly healing that leads to that long-term goal. 

3. Confront or Repent (When You Can)

Sometimes, our disappointments and regrets involve other people. If it’s feasible and safe, and you can muster up the courage, see if you can open up and speak frankly with others involved. Bringing others who you know and trust into the struggle will provide valuable support along the journey.

4. Don’t Do It Alone

Lastly, don’t think you must fight these thoughts or feelings alone. Scripture also tells us what God says about fellowship and caring for one another as believers. In his letter to the Philippians, Paul shares how the church should be encouraged by their connection through Christ and be able to share the characteristics of the Spirit with each other. Same goes for the letter presented to the Galatians; Paul says they fulfill the law of Christ by supporting each other and carrying their fellow believer’s burdens. The events of these letters are still relevant today. Followers of Christ are challenged to work through their struggles together.

Christlike Love Soothes the Pain of Disappointment

I have been a Christian for close to 30 years. While I have not encountered Christ audibly or visibly over those years, I know that the Holy Spirit works within me, and Christ is shown to me by the people that God brings into my life. Being in community with others who are focused on pursuing Christ helps us grow and provides a love that only Jesus can teach. That is how I see or hear Christ and feel the way that He works in my life. 

We are never meant to fight through our disappointments and regrets alone. God wants us to be in fellowship with others who will support us in the struggle. No one is truly alone as they deal with regrets and disappointments—you and everyone else have been through it! So, if we all struggle with this difficult part of life, why not find solace in the understanding and compassion of others who can sympathize? This is exactly what Christ’s plan has for us and is one of the reasons that we were created to be relational with others. God knew we would need each other. Find ways to dig into those painful feelings with others.