Photo courtesy of Magnific.
Have you ever wondered why the same situation can make one person extremely angry while another person remains completely calm? For example, why do some people experience road rage when someone cuts them off, while others simply continue driving without reacting strongly? An important explanation can be found when we explore thought patterns and how we interpret them.
Thoughts and Beliefs
In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), thoughts and beliefs about a situation are key points that connect an activating event and the reaction that results. Moreover, thoughts and beliefs also determine how one responds to anger externally and internally, as well as physically and physiologically, when anger is aroused. Hence, in order to obtain better anger management, we have to be fully aware of our thoughts and beliefs towards the things that provoke anger in us and be able to assess these thoughts and beliefs.
The Role of Interpretation
Thoughts and beliefs give meaning to the events and situations we experience. When we look at an event and filter it through our thought patterns and deep-seated beliefs, this is the act of interpretation. How we interpret what happened will provoke a response, whether positive or negative. Hence, it’s our thoughts and beliefs that create anger triggers in us, not the events themselves. The fact that each person has different thought patterns and deep-seated beliefs explains why each person has different triggers, and why not everyone feels provoked by the same situation.
Going back to the example of road rage, why do some people get so easily triggered and become infused with anger when someone cuts them off while others remain calm? That is because they filter the situation through different sets of thought patterns and beliefs. One person may interpret the action as disrespectful or intentional, while another may see it as an ordinary mistake worth shrugging off.
Discovering Thinking Patterns
There are six unhealthy patterns of thinking that can contribute to anger.
Awfulizing refers to exaggerating or catastrophizing the consequences of a situation. Daily hassles can seem like they will lead to the end of the world. Thoughts such as “This is too terrible” or “It’s all going to fall apart” tend to take place.
Low frustration tolerance refers to underestimating one’s ability to endure something. In an unpleasant situation, the ability to cope and maintain control becomes quite low. For example, when an expectation is not met, instead of simply feeling disappointed, one might think “I cannot stand this,” “I cannot tolerate this,” or “I have had enough of this.”
Demandingness involves turning a personal preference into a universal standard. This pattern typically involves believing that the rules people set for themselves, others, and situations are fixed and unchangeable. It feels like there is no exception or flexibility in these rules. Thoughts that come with this pattern include “I should,” “you should,” “they should,” and “it has to be like this.”
Other-rating refers to condemning or negatively judging other people based on a single action they do. In other words, a single action or one-time event could be enough for an angered person to assume what kind of person someone is. Thoughts such as “She is so stupid,” “They are so manipulative,” or “He is a moron” tend to arise.
Self-rating is similar to other-rating, except the target is the self rather than other people. Instead of judging others based on one mistake, individuals judge and condemn themselves based on a particular action or situation. A mistake can become a reason to negatively label themselves permanently rather than seeing the mistake as simply something that happened.
Finally, distortion or misinterpretation involves misunderstanding someone’s intention or misinterpreting an event or situation. This often leads to taking offense based on false assumptions. For example, someone may assume that another person intentionally ignored them when the person may simply have been distracted.
Dealing with Unhealthy Patterns
It’s important to know that patterns of thinking, even when they’re unhealthy, don’t have to remain entrenched forever. Here are the next steps for moving toward health:
Become aware. Take time to list out recent situations that made you angry. Ask yourself, “What thoughts went through my mind at the time, and how did those thoughts affect my reaction?”
Pause and reflect. It can be hard to do this in the moment of anger, but as often as you can, take time to ask the question, “Which thinking pattern am I using?”
Consider the alternative. When you know which unhealthy patterns you usually go to, ask yourself, “Are there other ways of seeing this situation?”
Decide how best to respond. Choose thoughtfully to respond rather than to react.
Overall, becoming aware of your own thinking patterns is an important step in understanding and managing anger. Anger may feel like it is caused directly by an event, but the thoughts and beliefs surrounding that event can strongly influence how a person responds. By identifying and assessing these thoughts, we can begin to understand our anger triggers and develop healthier ways of responding to difficult situations. Understanding how thoughts influence anger can therefore help us pause, reflect, and choose a different response instead of immediately reacting to the situation.
Resources:Bhave, S. Y, & Saini, S. (2009). Anger Management. Sage Publications Pvt. Ltd.
Corey, G. (2016). Theory and Practice of Group Counseling. Cengage.
Tafrate, R. C, & Kassinove, H. (2019). Anger Management for Everyone: Ten Proven Strategies to Help You Control Anger and Live a Happier Life: Vol. Second Edition. Impact.
