7 Measures of Healthy Self-Esteem

“Love yourself!” “You are enough.” “Believe in yourself!”

These short, well-meaning statements are found in many places. While these are true statements, do you really know how to love yourself by just reading them? Do you really know and believe that you are “enough” after hearing it? Do you suddenly believe in yourself by the mention of it?

Change takes time. It takes self-awareness and effort. Not just reading a short, true statement. It’s similar with developing healthy self-esteem. If someone tells you, “You know, you have a very low view of yourself. You have so many great qualities! You should have self-esteem!” Will you automatically recognize your self-worth? Most likely, no. 

The question you may ask yourself is, how do I develop healthy self-esteem if I am unsure what it looks like to have a realistic, appreciative view of myself? How do I know if I have healthy self-esteem? Is there more I can do than simply tell myself to have more of it?’

Self-esteem is evident in a person when they are generally content with themselves. They are self-compassionate and aware that they have strengths and weaknesses. They are fully aware that they have many parts, making them complex and, all at the same time, interesting. They believe that they have intrinsic value that nobody can give them or take away—they already have it. They do not try to prove themselves to others and have internal and external peace because they are truly at peace with themselves. As you can see, this all begins in the mind, with your beliefs about yourself.

7 measures of healthy self-esteem

Let’s look at those beliefs you have about yourself. Here are seven important measures of healthy self-esteem. Ask yourself these self-esteem questions and consider what they bring up in you. Remember to have grace toward yourself as you answer them. 

1. Strengths: Can you identify your strengths and be proud of them? 

2. Weaknesses: Can you identify your weaknesses without becoming embarrassed, discouraged, or anxious? 

3. Mistakes: Can you make mistakes and not criticize yourself? Can you learn from mistakes, even if they happen frequently?

4. Self-talk: How do you talk to yourself? Do you have positive self-talk?

5. Self-care: Do you consider how you are doing? Do you think of your own needs as much as others in your life? 

6. Self-worth: Is your worth determined by your strengths or what you accomplish? Do you see worth in who you already are?

7. Self-acceptance: Can you look at your past without judgment or shame toward yourself?

How are you doing at each of these? You may not like how you answer every question listed above, and that’s ok. Be patient with yourself and refuse to get discouraged. This is a journey and it takes time to change beliefs about yourself you have held for so long. Continue to be open to learning about yourself and viewing yourself both realistically and appreciatively. This gives you a roadmap for what it can look like to have healthy self-esteem.