Is It Selfish to Focus on Myself?

Do you believe taking time for yourself, focusing on yourself, or anything to do with the self is selfish? A lot of people feel that way. You may not even be aware of it, but how you feel about prioritizing yourself may give you the answer. 

Have you been feeling resentful or bitter towards others? Are you feeling purposeless, almost like you have lost yourself? Or have you been feeling downcast, exhausted, drained, or even irritated? Do you feel guilty if you do something for yourself? If so, you may be taking care of yourself ineffectively.

Here Is a List of Things That Are Not Selfish:

• Having a relationship with yourself

• Having needs and wants and getting them met

• Focusing on yourself and how you think and feel

• Being proud of and celebrating yourself

• Prioritizing and scheduling time to take care of yourself

Balance and Self-Esteem

Most people lack balance in one or another area of life, one being their self-esteem—having a realistic, appreciative view of oneself. When we are imbalanced here, we tend to have self-defeating humility (believing we are less than) or self-defeating pride (believing we are better than). 

The goal is healthy self-esteem: to believe and recognize that we are not less than or better than others. We are all humans who have equal worth with different interests, strengths, and weaknesses. Deep recognition of this fact pushes us toward balanced self-esteem.

What Is Selfish? 

If the things listed above are not selfish, then what is selfish? It is selfish to be self-deprecating (shameful) and to be arrogant (narcissistic). Both of these mindsets are selfish because they are thinking about the self the majority of the time.

Arrogance and narcissism are more identifiably selfish, but what about on the complete opposite spectrum of self-deprecation? Yes, even though it may be surprising to some, self-deprecation is in fact selfish. How? Self-deprecation, like arrogance and narcissism, focuses primarily on the self even if it’s in a more negative, less-than, self-critical manner.

Balance is required here also to make sure we are appropriately self-focused and others-focused. If you struggle with self-defeating humility, you most likely will feel uncomfortable or “wrong” if you do something for yourself. So, start small. What is one thing you like to do that you can start doing on a weekly basis? Or maybe it can start with your self-talk. When was the last time you recognized something you were proud of in yourself? Can you intentionally pause and reflect on one way you are proud of yourself each week?

Give a Better Version of Yourself to Others

The benefit of balance in focusing on yourself and others is that it allows you to give yourself more authentically and fully to those around you. I know this may be uncomfortable in the beginning, but when you intentionally focus on yourself in one way, and do so consistently, you will notice a difference. You’ll find that you are less resentful, less drained, and more aligned with yourself. All in all, you’ll be able to enjoy yourself and others more! 

Here’s to focusing on the self without feeling guilt!