How Self-Esteem Can Improve Your Quality of Life
There is one surprising thing that can improve the way you live your life. Yes…One thing. You may think I’m exaggerating or that it cannot be true. But, oh yes, it is! So, hold on tight to your seats. The mind-blowing answer is: self-esteem
You are probably thinking, “Really?” Yes! Self-esteem is the foundational key to help you improve the quality of your life.
Clearing the air on self-esteem
Most people have major misconceptions about what self-esteem is. (This could be why there is skepticism that self-esteem can truly transform your life). Here are three of the biggest misconceptions:
Self-esteem is just a “teenage girl problem.”
Self-esteem is selfish.
Self-esteem is simply high or low.
Particularly within Christian circles, you might hear some other misconceptions:
“Self-esteem is too self-focused; I should just think about Christ. Therefore, self-esteem is not something I need to have a better quality of life.”
“It is prideful to think well of myself—I must think less of myself in order to be humble and Christlike.”
Today, we will banish these misconceptions to discover what self-esteem truly is and how it is necessary to begin improving your quality of life.
What is self-esteem?
The best definition I have found of self-esteem comes from Dr. Schiraldi in The Self-Esteem Workbook:
Self-esteem is a realistic, appreciative view of oneself.
Oneself means all of yourself. And we have many parts of ourselves if we really think about it. We have a physical body, an emotional part, mental/thinking part, and a spiritual part. We are beings that have temperament and personalities, life experiences, biologies, and environmental factors that have created the worldview and perceptions we hold. So, “oneself” is a very complex term!
Then, in order to have healthy self-esteem, we must see ourselves realistically. That means not super lowly or super highly. If you view yourself too negatively, then you may have a more challenging time recognizing the positive aspects of yourself. If you view yourself too positively, you may have a more difficult time recognizing your flaws. We need to find a balance in recognizing the strengths and weaknesses we hold. This requires self-awareness.
Appreciative means that after recognizing both your positive (helpful) and negative (unhelpful) parts of yourself, you—wait for it—actually like the thought of all of it! All of you! Can you truly say you like all of you?
To give another way to look at appreciative, think of it as respect—do you respect and have peace with all that is you? Or do you feel uncomfortable even thinking for one moment about yourself? Are you quick to criticize yourself? Are you quick to think of people who are so much better than you?
Friend, this can be different! It is more than possible to have self-esteem! As you probably now understand, self-esteem is more complicated than simply being “high or low.” It is not about gaining more of it so you get to the point where you think you are awesome. It is about recognizing who you are is full of worth and intrinsic value that nobody can give you or take away.
Jesus’ command and self-esteem
In Matthew 22:37-39, Jesus commands, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.”
It seems there are three commands here, right? Love God, love others, and love ourselves. Yet, Jesus was correct. It’s two. Loving ourselves is already an expectation God has on His children because He created us in His image; therefore, we must love ourselves, because, in the act of loving ourselves, we are loving God. So many of us do not love ourselves. We criticize ourselves and how our Maker made us. We constantly put ourselves down and when we do that, we put God down too.
Further, John Calvin wrote, “Without knowledge of self there is no knowledge of God.” We are a people that are unbalanced in a sinful world. It is very challenging for us to have balance naturally because that would be like living perfectly (and on this earth we are far from perfect). Therefore, many of us lean on pride or insecurity. We rarely have a realistic, appreciative view of ourselves. Yet, God sees us in this manner, doesn’t He? So, how do we begin to see ourselves clearly for who we are and still have compassion for ourselves, as our God has for us?
The first step to having healthy self-esteem is to recognize who you already are and appreciate yourself—all of you. This may start with gaining self-awareness or focusing on one part about yourself that you struggle with, like the part of you that hates conflict, or the part that blurts out what they are thinking, or the part that lacks some self-control.
Regardless of how you view yourself right here and right now, I invite you to begin this journey, one step at a time, to see how self-esteem (realistically appreciating yourself) can kickstart the life you yearn for.