Ending Well

“There’s a trick to the 'graceful exit.' It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over—and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving up, rather than out.” — Ellen Goodman

My last few articles have been about my impending empty nest. My youngest daughter will soon graduate high school and head off to college in the fall. This month has been a series of “lasts” as her senior year comes to a close. This past weekend was her final show at her high school—she is a theater kid and the stage has been her second home these last few years. I observed the seniors grieve and celebrate this weekend, and I wanted to share some of my takeaways. Their ending was beautiful, and I think we adults can learn from it. 

Here are some lessons I learned from my daughter’s final high school musical: 

Give It Your All

First, they gave that show their absolute all. They devoted themselves fully, spending hours upon hours for months practicing and perfecting their lines, dancing, and singing. All of this resulted in a show they were able to take a lot of pride in. They knew they worked hard and were able to be confident. 

My lesson: whatever I choose to do, give it my all. Even if something is a “last,” that is no time to step back. Give it my all right up to the last minute.  

Celebrate Others

Second, they showered each other with accolades. “You did awesome!” “Wow, you made everyone laugh. They loved you!” “You’re the best!” They truly celebrated each other’s craft. They clapped and cheered for each other with such vigor it brought tears to my eyes. Some of these kids wanted a different part than they received. They still cheered; they still celebrated. 

My lesson: support and encouragement are like gold. The words, smiles, and hugs from others allow a star to sparkle even more brightly. Give praise freely and fully. To cheer someone on is to love them out loud. 

Acknowledge the Difficulties

Third, they let themselves feel sad that this part of their lives was over. They did not hide their tears, they did not pretend it was just another day. They let themselves feel. They acknowledged how hard it was to say goodbye to such a precious time in their lives, how terribly difficult to say goodbye to dear friends. The tears fell, and there were no apologies for them. 

My lesson: if something is sad, I’ll allow myself to feel sad! There’s a gift in the sadness, as it often means something was really good if I’m going to miss it. My tears honor the gift. 

Document the Ending

Fourth, they created a keepsake to remember their experience. The theater group has a TikTok page, and they created a video of each senior signing their name on a cement block backstage among the signatures of other past seniors. The video was beautifully done and ended with the seniors taking a final bow on stage. What a precious memory! They will be able to watch that video and revisit that block someday to see their precious friends' names be kept forever. 

My lesson: document the ending. Whether it’s a journal entry, a video, a picture, etc., do something to remember it.  

Throw a Party!

Lastly, they partied! I had the honor of being at this party held by one of the senior's parents. After a time of eating, laughing, and probably a bit of crying, the kids gathered around a piano and sang their hearts out. They sang songs from past plays they had been in together, huddled together on couches and the floor. It was beautiful. 

My lesson: when an opportunity presents itself to have fun together, take it! Even if I am feeling sad about something and going home to wallow seems appealing, choose to spend time with friends if given the chance. I know that I have often not regretted things I did do, but I have regretted what I didn’t.  

The Significance of Endings

Our Clinical Director, Dr. Matt Miller, often says that it’s more important how we end something than how we begin it. This class of 2024 started their high school experience in the unusual year of 2020. They were isolated from each other—fearful, frustrated, sad. Yet I have a strong feeling that this beautiful ending is even more impactful and memorable than that difficult beginning.

I pray that for the rest of their lives, these performers can look back upon this season with fondness and confidence, knowing that they took advantage of every opportunity and let their light shine. Their wonderful ending has taught me a great deal and gifted me the ability to say goodbye to this season as well.