What if It’s Good?: Encouragement for Life’s Stages
When my first daughter started middle school, I felt such grief—the kind that wakes you up in the middle of the night and feels like a heavy weight on your chest. Everything was changing. Her days were changing, her friends were changing, her needs were changing, and she was changing. And I didn’t want her to—not yet.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was changing too. That time of transition was really challenging for me, and I didn’t manage it well. I felt like a season I had deeply loved was gone, and the next season to come didn’t seem all that great. Sorry, but word on the street was the teenage years were going to be tough. Backtalking, rebellion, risky behavior, disconnect. I wanted my little girl back, I wanted to rewind time… and this time, I would do everything better! (Right?)
Fast forward, that daughter is now 20, and her little sis is 18. I want to tell you that some of my fears were justified. There were moments over the past several years that brought me to my knees as I pleaded with God for help and healing. But more often than that, there were moments of amazement, celebration, deep joy, a lot of laughter, and always—love. Just like their younger years, actually. Maybe I didn’t have to be so grieved and fearful.
A New Season of Transition
I am again in a season of transition. An empty nest is around the corner. My baby is graduating high school in a few short months and then leaving for college. Just typing that brings tears to my eyes! But there is a peace within me that I didn’t have all of those years ago, and I wonder if it’s because I have learned that moments of goodbye—or moments of change—are not always bad. I wonder if I have leaned into the thought, “What if it’s good?”
With that in mind, I hoped to share with others anticipating a big change that it might not be a bad thing. Even if it hurts, even if you mourn what was, what is to come might also be good!
What if Empty-Nesting Is Good?
While I could lean into my own feelings of sadness and fear about my next season, I try to ask myself, what if empty-nesting is good? As an exercise, here are some things I am looking forward to in this next season.
Spending more time with my husband without distraction. We enjoy spending time together and often talk on our walks with our dog about places we want to visit or experience. (Note for younger parents—keep up those date nights over the years. They pay off when you get to this stage. Think of it like a relationship 401k, a good investment for the later years)
Continuing to watch my girls develop into the women God is creating them to be. It is an amazing thing being on the sidelines more than in the ring. You can cheerlead and comfort, but you’re not getting as dirty as you used to. It’s an adjustment in the beginning, but it’s really nice.
Finding myself again. The hobbies I enjoyed before having children, like scrapbooking, seem overwhelming or boring to me now. So what do I like? I may get a Genius Bar appointment at Apple to learn how to actually use my phone’s amazing camera or show up to my town’s book club.
Opportunities to serve others. More time to make and deliver meals, my favorite way to serve.
Never again having to wake a teen to try to get her out the door for school by 7 am. Can I sing a Hallelujah?
Spending more time with family. I have roles as auntie B, daughter, sister, niece, cousin. I’ve given my girls a lot of my attention over the years (trust me, they didn’t always want it), but now I’ll get to be more present with other family members that I love.
More time with girlfriends. There are not many things I love more than a beach day with my friends. I know I will think of my daughters and wish they were there, too. But then I will feel the sun on my face, water at my feet, and my friends' laughter in my ears, and I will know this, too, is good. So good.
Finding Good in All the Stages
Transition has been happening all along; I just didn’t understand it. Sometimes, it was more noticeable than others, but change was happening the whole time. Firsts, lasts, and growth. Theirs and mine. I don’t know what is to come, and I do already know I will have some really sad moments as an empty-nester. But I have hope, so much hope, that it will also be really, really good.
I encourage you, if you are faced with a similar situation, to wonder about how change can be good.