How Pregnancy Changes Your Relationship to Work
A disclaimer before I begin: This series on various aspects of pregnancy will be written primarily from my own experience, so I want to acknowledge from the jump that different women have different experiences. With that being said, there are some universal experiences of pregnancy to which all women who have experienced or are currently experiencing it can relate. The big universal of pregnancy: change!
Pregnancy certainly brings a lot of changes. Possibly the three most major changes relate to work, relationships with others, and how you relate with yourself.
From the moment you receive a positive pregnancy test—well, really from the moment of conception—the process of change begins. You are no longer alone in your body; you have a guest who will grow and develop and change with you for the next nine months.
For me, as with so many other women who become pregnant, that moment started a lot of changes in how I experience work.
Work Is Life
Work is a big part of life for most women. Whether your “job” involves a 9-5 schedule with a salary, managing your household, or volunteering with church or in the community, we all engage in some type of work. It’s often very meaningful to us and something we take pride in. In fact, many studies link work to overall self-esteem, and the Bible teaches that one of God’s good designs for His people is to work.
In light of this truth, it’s important to take an honest look at how pregnancy impacts our ability to do our work and the tough decisions many women need to make regarding their jobs once the baby arrives.
The Challenges of Work and Pregnancy
From a purely physiological standpoint, from the moment of conception, the pregnant woman’s body begins to change in miraculous, but often exhausting, ways. Nausea, tiredness, mood swings, headaches, and body soreness are just a few of the impacts pregnancy has on the body and mind, some of which begin as early as six weeks. These symptoms alone make it difficult, if not impossible in some cases, for women to perform their work. The inability to perform as you once could, sometimes combined with the isolation of your workplace not knowing you are pregnant, can have some negative effects on mental wellness. Pregnant women commonly feel discouraged, frustrated, and guilty in the workplace during this time.
As pregnancy progresses, many women face the difficult decision of how long to continue working and what work will look like postpartum. Some women may want to leave the workplace and stay at home, yet financial demands require them to take short maternity leave and continue working. Others desire to continue working, but in order to care for their child, they make the tough decision to leave or greatly reduce their hours. In most cases, some sort of sacrifice is necessary. While sacrifice can be a beautiful thing, it is hardly ever easy.
My own story is one of longing to be a mother and being excited for my postpartum journey. Yet I also love my work, and I’m proud of the steps I’ve taken to get to this point in my counseling career. As I process both of these desires (to be a mom and a working professional), I ultimately recognize it will require some form of sacrifice. Do I quit my job, a role I’ve worked so hard to gain? Can I cut back my hours, or do I keep working full-time? Many pregnant women wrestle with these questions, and many others may not even have the luxury of choosing whether to work or stay home once the baby arrives.
Is This You?
If you are pregnant, a new mom, or a veteran mom, how has your relationship with work changed? Do you, or did you, struggle with feelings of isolation as a newly pregnant woman in the workplace? Was day-to-day work life difficult and frustrating as you managed unpleasant symptoms? Did you, or do you, struggle with guilt as you recognize things in your professional life will change, and that grieves you? Or, on the flip side, do you worry about what people might think if you decide to give up a career you’ve worked so hard to attain? Are you imagining how exhausting it may feel to try to “have it all?” Do you already feel exhausted? I get it.
While I don’t have any magic therapeutic solutions or tools to answer these questions, I have found a few things to be particularly helpful as I navigate my changing relationship with work during pregnancy.
1. Acceptance
The first step is acceptance. I accept that things are changing and will continue to change. I accept that things will never go back to the way they were. I accept my feelings about my new reality. Ultimately, I accept the truth that through it all, God remains constant, and His plans for me are good.
2. Find Your Supporters
Another helpful strategy is to talk about your experience with trusted others. Isolation breeds more isolation; the more we don’t talk about something, the harder it becomes to talk about. So, no matter where you are on this journey, find someone you can talk to about how you feel.
3. There Is No “Good or Bad” Decision
Lastly, remember that there are no good or bad choices when it comes to how you choose to navigate your relationship to work. Deciding to continue to work does not automatically make you a bad mom, and deciding to leave work or reduce time at work doesn’t take away from your accomplishments. All of these depend on your individual circumstances, so feel no guilt in doing what’s best for you and your family.
Navigating Your New Normal
During pregnancy and into motherhood, inevitable changes occur in many different facets of life, including changing our relationships to work. And while there is no simple solution on how to navigate the challenges that come, it’s important to honor these changes and remember that you are not alone as you navigate your new normal.