How God Sees Us When We Feel the Burden of Past Wrongs
Photo courtesy of Magnific
“In those days and in that time, declares the LORD, iniquity shall be sought in Israel, and there shall be none, and sin in Judah, and none shall be found, for I will pardon those whom I leave as a remnant.” - Jeremiah 50:20
Have you ever felt regret, shame, or embarrassment when you’ve thought of a painful memory? Especially when it was over something you did to someone else? I’ve often heard, explicitly or implicitly, that we might be able to understand and know we are forgiven by God for certain things but still feel like the memory stains how we see ourselves and—we worry—how others see us. That worry then makes us come to doubt all we’ve ever learned about God’s love for us.
Hiding
It’s surprising how we can still hold onto things that we intellectually know we have no need to hold onto anymore. Our mind (by which I don’t only mean our intellect but also our emotional and spiritual selves) is pretty good at clocking and filing certain moments under the tab “Never, ever do that again” and warning us to avoid circumstances or moments. Thus, subtly and sneakily, we start to be controlled by avoiding these moments and start to live in fear of being seen in ways we deem to be bad. This is the beginning of a mask we start wearing, one that’s crafted to gain favor by acting acceptable, hiding shame or darkness, and avoiding risks (like confession) that might actually benefit us.
Freedom
But being approved of while behind a mask isn’t the same as actually finding freedom. Jeremiah 50:20 reminds us that there is a way to live in freedom from shame or guilt. In this verse, it says that God searches and looks at his chosen people but does not see any sin or guilt. God can do this because he already did the work to pardon his people, a work of love and sacrifice through Christ himself. God sees us with a heart bent towards perfect and pure love. Yet, I’ve heard it said before that, “Most people see themselves as good repenters instead of seeing God as a good forgiver.” We are so aware of our failures that we project and think that God holds onto them just as tightly as we do ourselves. But the heart of God as seen here in Jeremiah is not to hold our sin against us. We can live free to trust and walk with him without fear that past, present, or even future failures will wear out his patience.
Trust
Our relationship with God is not about presenting a mask, a facade of perfection, but it’s also not about how well we can repent of our sin. In fact, if our relationship goes no further than confession, then we’re still controlling it with our feelings of guilt. Rather, our relationship is about knowing and trusting God’s faithful stance towards us, that he always sees us with a love that remembers no wrongs, one of pure delight. God is in the business of restoration, and he restores us by letting us know that there is nothing that can separate us from his love.
Exercise:
Imagine seeing yourself through God’s eyes, eyes that have no need to search for your worst moments. What do you see?
As you consider the things in your past that cause you pain to remember, how does it feel to have God look upon you lovingly?