The Blessed Vulnerability of Thanksgiving

I come from a food-centralized culture. Where I grew up, it is unthinkable to have a gathering longer than one hour without offering food. Thus, Thanksgiving is naturally my favorite American holiday as it feels most familiar to the food-centered gatherings of my cultural community.

Each year, as Thanksgiving approaches, I think of a quote by the Catholic priest and writer, Henri Nouwen. I invite you to read it slowly and reflectively:

“When we invite friends for a meal, we do much more than offer them food for their bodies. We offer friendship, fellowship, good conversation, intimacy, and closeness. When we say, 'Help yourself… take some more… don’t be shy… have another glass…' we offer our guests not only our food and drink but also ourselves. A spiritual bond grows, and we become food and drink for one another.”

All throughout the New Testament, we see how important and central hospitality was among the believers. Unlike the Martha Stewart version of hospitality, where things must be well coordinated and the “hostess with the“most-est” gains the praise of her guests, biblical hospitality is simple and other-centered.  

I learned about this non-materialistic, soul-winning type of hospitality during mission trips while visiting the homes of people who owned very little but gave a whole lot. Alongside the simple cup of tea, they also offered a warm welcome, shared burdens and prayers, celebrated good news, and attended to my soul.  

Thanksgiving is an opportunity to practice the biblical other-centered hospitality which embraces the uniqueness, the story, and the needs of the other. It’s an opportunity to express love and generosity of spirit rather than take it as an opportunity to impress.  

The Reminders of Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is also an opportunity to give each other the gift of our presence in an unrushed, unpretentious manner. Expectations are generally low: no gift exchanges, no fancy decorations, no rituals to follow, special sweaters to wear, or activities to plan. People simply gather around a table, give thanks without feeling awkward about it, have some sort of conversation, and share a meal of deliciousness.

This holiday reminds me of many things. It reminds me to acknowledge the blessings and privileges of life with heightened focus, particularly before practicing gratitude becomes challenging in the dark, cold days of winter. For me, Thanksgiving marks the season for slowing down, connecting, embracing transitions, and looking forward to new beginnings. 

Thanksgiving also reminds me of how Jesus fed people—physically and spiritually. Jesus set the table with purpose. Food was a significant element of His ministry and should be for us as well. Notice how when you gather around a table with others, it’s difficult to fake or ignore two things: the quality of our relationship and how we feel about each other. Dinners are where some of the most important business deals happen, life milestones are celebrated, and potential life partners discover each other. Around the table is also where a community is built or where you can feel the deepest loneliness.  

We are our most vulnerable and authentic selves around the table, which might explain why people are more comfortable inviting each other for a drink than for a meal. More of who we are is poured into preparing (or ordering) and sharing a meal than into sharing a drink. It is almost impossible to share a meal and still feel hostility and contempt.

A Guide to Giving Thanks

Giving thanks takes some practice. Multitudes of research have arisen in recent years on the physical, social, and psychological benefits of gratitude. We’re finding what we experience to be true: chronic complaint hurts us, and an attitude of gratitude leads to life. 

Thanksgiving offers a perfect example. After your Thanksgiving meal, one option is to see the stinky pile of dishes waiting in the kitchen sink and let your mood begin to sour. Another option: you can quickly start to thank God for the privilege of having food, dishes, and people to keep us busy from cleaning them. We have to learn to express gratitude for what we have been given, earned, or gained.

With these Thanksgiving thoughts in mind, I encourage you to open your heart and make space for others, simply offer your presence, replace impressing others with expressing your attentiveness to them, take a risk and be vulnerable, and intentionally practice acknowledging and sharing all you’re thankful for. 

Happy Thanksgiving!