Participating in God’s Kingdom on Earth Through Forgiveness

Anxiety
Written By James Snider

“He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.”  — Psalm 103:10-14

God is actively redeeming our earth in this very moment, and He has given us the opportunity to participate. One of the ways Jesus asks us to participate is through the practice of forgiveness. In fact, it’s such an important part of our redemption that, when teaching us how to pray with the Lord’s prayer, He includes, “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” As such, learning what forgiveness is and how to walk that road is of critical importance to our mental, emotional, and spiritual growth.

70 Times 7

When Peter asks Jesus how many times he needs to forgive someone who wrongs him, Jesus gives the provocative math equation: “70 times 7” (Matthew 18: 21-22). My sense is not that this means you can stop forgiving someone after 490 wrongs; rather, it’s more about our posture of forgiveness. Do we treasure it? Do we see it as beneficial and even necessary for our relationships to flourish? Or do we have more of a disdainful view of it, seeing it as only for those who deserve it? Perhaps, at the end of the day, anger and bitterness just feels better than forgiveness. Whatever the case, forgiveness matters because pain and injustice are inevitable. 

Forgiveness is difficult! Anger and bitterness have long-term effects on our hearts, but they also act as a way to defend ourselves. They protect us from feeling shame about being used or manipulated or mistreated. They offer an alternative to crumbling from the pain and grief. And that is significant. 

We all seek ways, consciously or unconsciously, to avoid pain. The problem, of course, is that the anger or bitterness we use to protect ourselves doesn’t deliver on the very thing it promises. Instead of protection and safety or even true justice, it feeds on itself, destroying our hope in God, our ability to trust others, and our capacity to enjoy fruitful relationships.

Instead of the destruction of anger and bitterness, forgiveness offers an alternative. So, what does it look like to start the forgiveness process?

Parts of the Process of Forgiveness

1. Explore the Effects of the Injustice

First, explore the effects of the injustice done. This could take some time. The effects of injustice are no small deal. An important part of forgiveness is acknowledging the true effects of what has come as a result of the wrongdoing.

Forgiving is not the same as excusing. It’s not saying that what happened “wasn’t a big deal” or that we “just need to get over it.” The cross bears witness to God’s heart; he doesn’t ignore the severity of our sin but nonetheless desires just as much to provide us a way toward reconciliation.

2. Decide What You Want to Do About the Injustice

Second, decide if you want to do something about the injustice. After a bulk of exploring and witnessing the injustice has been done, the decision comes: Would you like to do something about it? Do you want to pursue forgiveness?

If so, then there are standards. One standard is stopping the cycle of bitterness. This means not disparaging the other person, not gossiping about them to others, not seeking revenge, etc. As Dr. Robert Enright says, not doing harm is part of the forgiveness process. We need to stop the cycle of violence.

3. Seek Understanding

Third, seek to understand this person in new ways. The cliché phrase “Hurt people hurt people” has truth to it. Out of our wounds, we wound others whether we know it or not. What might have happened to the person that propelled them to behave in a way that hurt you? Can you think of that might create feelings of compassion in you for this person?

Additionally, reflect on the humanity that you share with this person. You have wounds like they do, and they have inherent worth in being made in the image of God. Is it true that Jesus went to the cross for this person as well?

4. Offer Something Good

 Finally, offer something good. What “olive branch” can you give to this person that reflects your desire to return evil for good? If you are around this person continually, this could look like being cordial and friendly with them, speaking a kind word to them, or giving them a gift. If you have no contact with them, prayer could be another way of extending kindness in your heart. Prayer for their well-being, for their repentance, and/or that they would turn to God.

Forgiveness Ends the Cycle

Forgiveness is not as easy as following a step-by-step guide. Sometimes, the uncovering phase could take a long time based on the type of person and the depth of the hurt. Or perhaps the sin they committed was so heinous that it’s difficult to imagine how this person could be a reflection of God in any way, shape, or form. However, forgiveness is a gift given to us by God as a way of stopping the “evil-for-evil” cycle that we so easily perpetuate. Praise Him for His wisdom in giving us a way out and an opportunity to be a part of His ongoing redemption of creation!

Additional Resources for a Deeper Dive Into Forgiveness:

James Snider
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