Bullying: Breaking the Cycle
I have always been a big fan of Spider-Man. From his humble beginnings in the comic books to his three blockbuster film franchises, I love it all. I kid you not when I say that even my college application essay was centered around my love for the “web-head.”
In preparation for the newest Spidey film coming out this Christmas, I have been rewatching all of the movies. And a familiar scene hit me in a way that I didn’t expect.
In 2012’s The Amazing Spider-Man, Peter Parker (the teenager behind the mask) protects one of his classmates from the school bully, Flash Thompson (pictured above), shortly after getting his new superpowers. Yet Peter doesn’t stop there. Having this new power feels good, and Peter uses it to utterly humiliate Flash in front of their classmates.
Watching this scene reminded me that the best of us, even our heroes, have the capacity to bully others.
Call It What It Is
Sometimes when we use a term too much, it tends to lose its meaning. I’m afraid that this is what is happening to the word “bullying.”
We can define bullying as someone hurting or scaring another person repeatedly. It can happen by physically hurting or intimidating someone, verbally attacking them through names and insults, socially isolating them or manipulating them, or attacking them online (the recent term for this is “cyberbullying”).
Bullying can lead to self-esteem issues, depression, anxiety, academic problems, and even physical health problems. While these problems start in adolescence, the effects can last well into adulthood (Copeland et al., 2013).
Unfortunately, the word bullying gets thrown around so much that I fear our ears have become numb to just how damaging its effects can be.
So let’s call bullying what it really is: abuse.
A Vicious Cycle
The cycle of abuse is practically as old as mankind itself. And in one way or another, we are all participants in this cycle. Each one of us has experienced pain at the hands of another, and each one of us ourselves has hurt others.
This is a hard truth to face. One that we don’t like to think about, and one that could easily send us into despair. To admit the reality of this vicious cycle—and even worse, that we have contributed to perpetuating it—seems like too much to handle. And it is.
We must cry out with the Apostle Paul: “Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Romans 7:24-25a NLT)
Breaking The Cycle Through Healing & Forgiveness
To break this cycle of abuse, we must first and foremost find healing and forgiveness from God Himself.
God understands our hurts better than we do ourselves, and he longs to bring healing to His children. As the Psalmist tells us, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3 ESV). Pretending the wounds are not there isn’t just wishful thinking—it’s downright irresponsible. If we do not allow God to bring healing to our wounds, we will find it impossible to escape this cycle of abuse.
We must also have the courage to see the abuse we’ve caused others, and for this we must seek forgiveness. “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:8-9 ESV). Our mistreatment of others is first and foremost a sin against our Creator God, a violation of one of the greatest commandments to love others as ourselves.
After we’ve first allowed God to deal with our hurts, we can seek out further healing from those who have hurt us, and seek forgiveness from those whom we have hurt. And finally, after we ourselves have experienced healing and forgiveness, we can then extend this healing and forgiveness to others.
If we want to break the cycle of bullying—the cycle of abuse—it must start with us.
Our Superpower
The kind of heart change that we’re talking about cannot be done by sheer human effort, but only through the power of the Holy Spirit. Those of us who have been born again through faith in Jesus Christ have received a superpower far greater than what Peter Parker was given the day he was bitten by that radioactive spider.
We have been given the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit to make us new creations, to bring healing and forgiveness to the wounds in our hearts.
