Keep Love at the Center: The Key to Healthy Conversation

In today’s world, you can find yourself in the midst of conversations about all sorts of controversial topics. In fact, you may find it quite challenging to avoid being on the opposing side of a topic of discussion among friends, family, co-workers, and others.

Although a healthy debate can still be good for the soul, sometimes opposing views can produce negative emotions such as anxiety, depression, resentment, and anger. Negative emotions can lead to social disengagement, social anxiety, and conflict in relationships. To promote healthy social engagement and support healthy relationships, it is vital that we keep love at the center of our conversations.

What does it look like to keep love at the center of a conversation? Paul's instructions to Timothy in 1 Timothy 1:5 still ring true for us today:

“The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.”

Perhaps the key is setting love as the goal in our conversations. Doing this involves going below the surface to examine the condition of our hearts, the state of our minds, and the nature of our faith.

A Pure Heart

Love flows naturally out of a pure heart, and out of the heart flow the issues of life. This lets us know that the condition of our hearts is revealed in our words and our actions. From the writings of Billy Graham (BillyGraham.org), we find that a pure heart is identified as a reflection of doing what God wants us to do. This portrays the human heart in its purest state, being so closely aligned with the heart of God that others see His reflection in us. We bear resemblance to our Heavenly Father when we act as His sons and daughters. Out of a pure heart, we are able to express positive attributes such as kindness, compassion, genuineness, acceptance, patience, and empathy toward others.

Because we live in a fallen world, we are called to guard our hearts with all diligence. We do this by limiting what we take in through our eyes, ears, and emotions. Exposure to contaminants, such as jealousy, fear, unforgiveness, resentment, hatred, and envy, is virtually impossible to avoid. This is why purification is necessary to make our heart an environment where the spirit of God can dwell to produce godly character and conduct. By ridding our hearts of corruption, out of a pure heart, we speak with pure intentions, bringing edification and grace to the hearer (Ephesians 4:29).

A Good Conscience

Self-awareness is a necessary part of establishing and maintaining a good and clear conscience. Having a good conscience means feeling at peace, knowing that your actions are in alignment with the values, morals, and ethical standards that govern your life. This involves living with integrity, being honest, and treating others with kindness and respect. It also means taking responsibility for our actions and taking accountability when necessary. When our conscience is clear, feelings of guilt, shame, or regret have no place in our hearts, giving us the freedom to love without limitation. 

A Sincere Faith

A sincere faith reminds us that we can always choose love because of God’s grace toward us. Where would we be if it had not been for His love? John 3:16 reveals that it was love that inspired God to make the ultimate sacrifice and atonement to save mankind from total destruction. Recognizing that the human heart is incapable of doing good apart from God enables us to come before the throne of grace without guilt and shame to receive the mercies of God. That’s why we need Jesus. None is righteous besides Him. He is the only righteous judge. Our best attempt at speaking truth apart from Him is futile.  

The Key to Healthy Conversation

We engage in conversations for various reasons. Sometimes, our intention might be to inform, enlighten, share, or express an opinion. In the absence of love, we lose healthy communication, emotions take center stage, passions run high, and offenses are likely to occur.

When difficult conversations become necessary, speaking the truth in love can make a world of difference. As Jesus taught, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45 NKJV). Keeping love at the center of our conversations takes intentionality, practice, and patience, but it is well worth the effort to honor God with our speech and our conduct in this world.