What Joey From Friends Can Teach Us About Self-Worth

Remember the show Friends? There is an episode that I think serves as a helpful metaphor when it comes to self-worth.

In the midst of an argument, Joey decides to put on all of Chandler’s clothes. I mean all of his clothes at once. (Here is a clip if you’ve never seen it). I am laughing as I think of Joey walking into Monica and Rachel’s apartment saying, “OK Buddy Boy, here it is—you hide my clothes, I’m wearing everything you own!”

If you ever think you don’t have any self-worth, think of Joey wearing all of Chandler’s clothes. When you do not realize your worth, it is as if you have on all the clothes you own and your worth is at the core of your body. Your worth is buried underneath all of those clothes. In order to be able to see yourself again, you have to take off all of the clothes that are holding you back and restricting your movement.

When it doesn’t feel like you have worth

You may now be thinking, “Okay, but I for sure don’t feel like I have any self-worth… I feel pretty worthless.” Well, for starters, feelings are not facts! Just because you feel something does not mean it is true. Even if others have told you that you are worthless, it still does not mean you actually are of any less value than anybody else. Therefore, what others tell you about yourself may not be necessarily true. 

Please hear me say this: If someone has told you or is telling you right now that you are worthless (even the voice inside your head), you are NOT worthless! I mean it: they are wrong! Still, so many times we put weight on what we feel and what others (or even ourselves) tell us. We’ve all heard the phrase, “Don’t believe everything you hear.” That is 100% true when it comes to self-worth.

You see, whether you recognize it or not, or believe it or not, you have worth. Instead of thinking you need to fill yourself with new skills to attain self-worth, really what needs to happen is the opposite. You need only to uncover what already exists within you. 

Joey’s life lesson

Now, let’s go back to Joey. If you had all of those clothes on, do you think you could move easily? It would be pretty uncomfortable to walk around like that all day. It’s not very practical, helpful, and most likely dangerous! You probably couldn’t get into your car, would get overheated on a warm day—you get the idea. The same goes for not recognizing your worth. You are living like you have a million layers of clothes on when you don’t see your worth.

Here is a question to ponder: how do you start taking off the “layers” to see your worth?

Again, let’s think about the example: how would you take off all of the layers of clothes you own? You couldn’t just take them all off at once. You would have to take them off, one by one, layer by layer. Some may be easier to take off than others. Some may be difficult and make you frustrated. This is like the process of discovering your worth. 

Even though it’s difficult, please take heart: you are capable of recognizing something you already have. It just may take some work, effort, and time. It will definitely take patience with yourself, along with gentleness and grace, because when you start to take the layers off, you may get stuck on some of them. You may have a deep attachment to one of the layers that isn’t helping you—you may even cherish it. You may keep that layer on a little longer than other layers, and that’s okay.

Why we hold on to our “layers”

That “layer” may be wealth, intelligence, family image, energy level, etc. Separating yourself from a layer you have identified with for so long can be extremely challenging. You may ask yourself questions when you get to a challenging layer, “Who am I if I am not a genius?” or “Who am I if I am not beautiful?” You might ask, “Who am I if I am not upbeat and energetic?” or “Who am I if I do not have wealth?” 

Despite these questions, once you can separate your core, authentic, true self from these external layers, you can start to recognize your intrinsic value—otherwise known as worth!

You have worth. There is nothing you can or must do to gain it, there is nothing you can do that can take it away from you—nothing. You have it whether you have good behavior or bad behavior. You have worth, period. You can’t debate it—you have it, no matter how many “layers” you have covering you up.

Rest in knowing that you have self-worth, no matter what.