Flexibility, Resilience, and a Young Air Jordan
Photo courtesy of The NBA GOAT
The year was 1990. On June 3rd in Detroit, Michigan, a defeated and demoralized Chicago Bulls team boarded their team bus back to Chicago. A young Michael Jordan sat in the back, absolutely devastated. This had been the third consecutive year the Pistons had defeated the Bulls in the postseason. The weariness and exhaustion had set in. And Michael, burying his face in his hands, cried. His father embraced him, reminding him of his love and the need to pick himself up and move forward from another brutal series loss.
Many years later, far after Jordan's career was said and done, the 6-time NBA champion recounted that moment. "I was devastated, absolutely devastated," Jordan said on The Last Dance documentary. Yet, when he recounts the tale, Jordan also mentions that moment as a turning point. He knew that he had to transform his body leading into the 1991 off-season, preparing it for the hard-nosed physical play of the Detroit “Bad-Boy” Pistons for years to come. This moment would act as a firestarter for Jordan and fuel the off-season ahead of his first championship in 1991.
Resilience, what is it?
The thing that Michael Jordan had on that bus that fueled his drive to greatness was a quality called resilience. Resilience is defined in the field of Psychology and Counseling as the ability to successfully adapt to a situation that is challenging or difficult. It requires mental, behavioral, and emotional flexibility and a willingness to change when we encounter things we did not see coming. When we tap into resilience, we look our challenges and sufferings of this life in the eye and we tell them, "I refuse to stay down."
Blessed are the flexible
One therapist friend of mine has an amazing quote in her office that always draws my eye. It's a simple yet profound one, written across wood and hanging for every client to see at the start of sessions. "Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be broken." It sits in that office as a constant reminder to clients of the power of their flexibility, the power of their resilience. I like to imagine it almost as a secret beatitude from the famous Sermon on the Mount taught by Jesus in Matthew 5.
I might even argue that tapping into this resource is one of the most important things a clinician can do while in the counseling room. The Apostle Paul puts it so eloquently in his letter to the Corinthians: "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not dismayed" (2 Corinthians 4:8-9). Quite simply, Paul is talking about the ability to keep perspective when hurting. To not let our present circumstances alone set the tone of our ability to show up.
Tapping into resilience
Over the years that I've practiced counseling, I've noticed common themes between my clients when they encounter suffering in this life. Many times, how they talk about themselves in smaller moments of difficulty cues me into their beliefs about their perceived resilience and assessment of their capacity in general. Often I hear the same phrases suddenly cloud the counseling room: "I can't do this." "I never have been any good at this." "It’s hopeless for me to try." "I can't control or do anything now." These phrases show up like uninvited guests to a party, eagerly knocking on the door to gain entry to the human psyche. Once they are inside, they wreak havoc, turning into pesky automatic thoughts that point back to the shrouded beliefs that we try to hide.
When I challenge a client to tap into resilience, I am tasked with bringing them face to face with their beliefs about themselves. My goal is to serve as a mirror to show what has been built up over time in the depths of their hearts. Many times, what’s there is a core belief that they simply cannot overcome difficult things, that they are not capable of surviving a tough season on their own. Changing this belief, of course, becomes part of the treatment plan. Building healthy confidence through encouragement, support, and life-giving relationships can remind a client that their assessment of themselves may not be as definitive as they think.
Resilience: a spiritual resource
For the follower of Jesus, resilience takes a different shape entirely. In fact, it is precisely through the admission of our weakness that God’s strength shows up in profound ways (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). The Apostle Paul goes so far as to boast in his own weakness and insufficiency so that the glory of Christ's strength within him would be on full display to those around him. In this way, the ability to get up during difficulties, to adjust flexibility in approaching challenges, and to adapt has more to do with the God supporting us than with any sense of strength or power that we might or might not have. The Bible flips this idea on its head, with the Gospel calling all of us equal in need of a loving Savior to welcome us into His family. Once we are adopted and called, we are able to be flexible to whatever life throws at us. How so? "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness," Jesus whispers tenderly.
From the bus
Like Michael Jordan over 35 years ago, every person has a choice. We can sit in the back of the bus and give up, or we can get off the bus. We can get up and “work in the offseason” for the next battle. We can choose to see failure as a teacher, friend, and mentor instead of a measure of our worth. After a good cry with friends and loved ones, after a period of processing the difficulty and being honest with how we feel about it, after speaking back to our spirit the truths of Scripture, then we have a choice. I am thankful to a God who reminds me of His strength. It helps me to step out and continue walking through this life with boldness, even when I feel afraid. This is where the beauty of resilience lives. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be broken.