Why Seek Counseling At All?

CounselingOne Counselor's PerspectiveAIWhy Counseling? Series
Written By Brian Esposito

Photo courtesy of Magnific.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”  - Ecclesiastes 4:9 

Scripture and modern psychology agree on something profound: we were not created to be alone. From the very beginning, God declares that "it is not good for man to be alone" (Genesis 2). We are made for relationships, for people who know us, understand us, and walk alongside us. Living in isolation increases the risk for premature mortality by nearly a third, while strong, close social relationships are one of the most reliable long-term predictors of mental and physical health. There is no doubt about the powerful—and often transformative—impact of strong, valued relationships. 

The counseling relationship is similar to other relationships. It offers an opportunity to be seen and understood by a safe third person. A counselor, like a partner or friend, can express empathy and can validate a person's experience. However, even AI chatbots can simulate empathy and give the user the perception that they are known, heard, and valued. So, between friends, family, partners, and AI chatbots—when there are more resources available than ever before—why would someone bother seeking out counseling at all? 

The counseling relationship itself promotes change 

It may be tempting to think about counseling as simply getting advice from another person. However, nearly a century of research points toward a cornerstone of all psychological treatment: the relationship itself is a catalyst for change, not just the vehicle that carries it. 

The counseling relationship isn't reciprocal in the same way as other relationships. Friends and family need things from you just as you need things from them, things like reassurance, reciprocity, consistency, companionship, and so on. The therapist's role is different. That absence of mutual need allows the therapist to become a secure base—someone who is reliable, genuine, nonjudgmental, and intentionally centered around your growth. 

Therapy is also structured. It has a beginning, a direction with clear goals, and an end. A trained counselor tailors a treatment plan specific to your goals and needs. Counseling is also confidential and legally protected, and bound by a formal code of ethics that governs confidentiality and prohibits the kind of dual, reciprocal relationships that define friendship. Those standards exist to keep you safe while helping you grow. 

Therapy helps you understand yourself more deeply 

Big questions around mortality, loneliness, shame, regret, and other existential anxieties can be heavier than what some partners or friends were prepared for when you asked them out for lunch. Some relationships may steer clear of hard topics altogether, while therapy is one of the few places built to steer towards them.  

A counselor also listens for how a current topic fits into a larger picture of you, how you have grown over time, and what this topic means in the context of your overall goals. Counselors act as collaborative guides, focused on what is meaningful and beneficial to you. 

Therapy is backed by evidence 

One of the most encouraging things about counseling is that it is one of the most thoroughly studied forms of healthcare. For more than a century, researchers have asked the same basic question: “Does psychotherapy actually help people?” From the earliest forms of modern psychotherapy, to the first large-scale meta-analyses in the 1970s, to contemporary research involving thousands of studies and millions of participants and decades of large-scale reviews, psychotherapy has repeatedly been shown to reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression, relationship distress, and many other mental health concerns. While no treatment helps every person in every circumstance, the overall evidence is clear: counseling works.

Therapy is real, and therefore less risky

It’s worth noting that purpose-built AI therapy chatbots are designed to mimic the unique counseling relationship that is different from friends, family, and partners. And chatbots can be helpful, to a point. For instance, AI can quickly share information like established strategies and techniques for treating a wide range of issues. AI can also be available at 2:00 a.m. when a therapist might not be. In light of these capabilities, small-sized clinical trials have shown short-term, modest symptom reduction for mild anxiety and depression using these chatbots. 

However, many of these tools were never designed or validated to provide clinical treatment, and most currently operate without the oversight, safety protocols, or regulatory approval that mental health care normally requires. As such, studies have raised concerns. One concern is that bots give the illusion of understanding, which encourages people to confide in them but leaves a gap between what the program is really doing and what a person feels is happening (the ELIZA effect).  Another study raised the concern that chatbots respond in an overly agreeable, "sycophantic" manner, often reinforcing rather than gently challenging troublesome thoughts. Other independent reviews focused on adolescents have raised similar concerns. By contrast, a counselor—knowing a person’s larger context—can safely assimilate new information in the service of long-lasting, growth-oriented goals that the person has agreed to, like improving flexibility and reinforcing resilience.

Conclusion

Friends, family, and even a well-designed chatbot can offer comfort and support, and those forms of connection matter. Yet counseling offers something categorically different: a relationship built, structured, and trained, centered around your growth, healing, and long-term flourishing, backed by decades of evidence and (for those of us who hold it) the deeper truth that we were never meant to carry our struggles alone. 

References 
Brian Esposito
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