What to Do When You Are Overwhelmed
Sometimes, humans get overwhelmed. Because life can be difficult, essentially everybody always has something on their mind. Bills, taxes, responsibilities, relationships, hopes and dreams, let alone tragedies near and far… Some days, it’ll feel like it’s all too much to handle—you’re just plain overwhelmed.
What Being Overwhelmed Looks Like
Overwhelm is different for everybody. Some go into problem-solving mode, frantically seeking solutions and suggestions regardless of whether they would improve the situation. Even real solutions don’t always solve problems. A problem can be “solved,” but the emotional damage will likely stick around for a while.
Some problem-solvers get to action and take on others’ problems as their responsibility. Such effort often comes from a good place—they want to make the situation better somehow. But if they don’t have the bandwidth, they may only be adding to their overwhelm.
Others use avoidance. Suddenly, they can’t turn away from their phones, their social media feeds, or their TV. Distraction becomes the primary coping mechanism because it’s nicer to think about the upcoming game or the plot of a favorite show than about a situation one cannot change.
Avoidance also takes on more extreme behaviors. Things like overeating, overworking, excessive drinking, drug use, or tuning out with pornography are indicators that it’s “game over”—you’re overwhelmed, sometimes chronically, and you’re trying to tune out by any means necessary.
Embrace What You’re Feeling
So, what can we do? First, let’s not move past this fact too quickly: Sometimes, being overwhelmed will simply feel overwhelming. There’s no healthy way to totally and constantly avoid what we’re dealing with. That means coming to terms with some experience of overwhelm (and other emotions). This might look like saying to oneself, “Ok, I am overwhelmed. That really stinks. But it is how I’m feeling, and it’s ok to feel that way.”
Consider Your “Locus of Control”
What can you truly control? Your “locus of control” is the range, reach, or boundary you have of how you can actually help a person or manage a situation.
Here’s an example: You’re faced with the difficult news that someone you love received a cancer diagnosis. That’s really big and really scary! It’s easy to get overwhelmed with this. Of course, getting rid of the person’s cancer is not within your locus of control. What’s something that is? Can you set aside time to drive the person to doctor's appointments? Or set a reminder to give them a call? Maybe you can offer a meal or mow their grass.
By looking at what you can feasibly control, you’re able to turn that care and compassion from an overwhelmed, what-in-the-world-can-I-do-about-this place to a helpful, present, do-my-part mentality. Considering and intentionally remembering your locus of control can take you from overactivation and anxiety to grounded, real-life care.
Intro to Existential Release
When you’ve accepted that you are indeed overwhelmed and considered your locus of control, your next move is “existential release.”
Existential release is easier said than done, but it can be a lifesaver. Being a person can be really hard, and life often feels absurd. Caring for a lot of (or even a few) people will likely make you feel overwhelmed eventually. But the fact is you and I are finite people with only the time, resources, and emotional bandwidth we possess. We simply have to release our control from what we cannot control. It doesn’t mean that everything will go well—in fact, some things will go well, and many will not. But by releasing our grip on controlling our circumstances, we can at least experience the relief of letting go.
An Existential Release Activity
One way I’ve found to practice existential release is through meditative prayer. When I become aware that I’m overwhelmed, I try to take a moment to be still. I sit in a comfortable chair or lie down and take a few deep breaths. As I’m breathing, I’ll likely notice all the fast and anxious thoughts going through my mind. That’s going to happen, so I just let it happen for a moment.
With continued breaths, I’ll then clench my fists tightly for a few seconds (often, I’m already doing that without thinking.) Then, I release my grip and say something to myself like, “I only have what is before me. I only have what is before me.” Sometimes, I’ll repeat the Lord’s Prayer, which has a way of defining what I can and cannot control. This practice acts as a physical and internal reminder that I can only hold a limited capacity, and release is my best bet.
Sometimes, this helps, and that feels great. Other times, it doesn’t do a whole lot. But over time, hopefully, it will be easier to release the things I could never hold anyway. And hopefully it makes me more grounded and present to the one, two, or few people who are directly before me to whom I can be of genuine help.
