Sitting In Your Pain
The following is a republished article by Dr. Frank Mancuso, the founder of CCCRD. Frank passed away in 2022, but his legacy and approach continue to guide our practice. To honor his life and work, and to keep drawing from his deep well of wisdom, we’ll periodically republish his writings like the one below. We hope you’ll be blessed and encouraged by the words of this impactful counselor and thoughtful friend.
I often ask clients to sit in their pain. I want them to feel the pain deeply, to know it and own it. Sound like bad advice? People want to be out of their pain; to be less connected to it or healed as soon as possible. What is the point of moving toward pain? The story of Ezekiel has something to say to us all.
Once again, Israel turns from their relationship with God and, once again, He sends one more prophet to light the way to Him who deeply cares, or judgment will fall. Even the coming pain of the judgment of God is an effort to restore the relationship with those He created, and not to end the connection. The plan to restore wayward Israel is told to a likely shocked Ezekiel. The Lord says He will end the life of the one who is “the desire of your eyes”, Ezekiel’s wife (Ezek 24:15-18).
To add salt to the coming gaping wound, the Lord tells him he is not to publicly mourn and weep as usual, but to repress the pain of grief, and that when the nation is judged they are to do likewise. The repression of grief causes the pain to be internalized, thus preventing catharsis and healing. God wants Ezekiel and the nation to sit in the pain. Why?
The immediate expression of pain helps comfort those who grieve, but a too quick healing can also cause them to forget the pain and quickly return to old ways and beliefs. Sitting in the pain encourages long-suffering and long-suffering can produce permanent change. This godly pain has meaning and purpose and is anything but useless. It is restorative.