How Pregnancy Changes Your Relationships With Others
A disclaimer before I begin: This series on various aspects of pregnancy will be written primarily from my own experience, so I want to acknowledge from the jump that different women have different experiences. With that being said, there are some universal experiences of pregnancy to which all women who have experienced or are currently experiencing it can relate. The big universal of pregnancy: change!
Pregnancy changes things. In my last article, we looked at how pregnancy changes our relationship with work and the many difficult choices soon-to-be moms must make. Today, we’ll examine how pregnancy impacts our relationships with others.
Relationships With Family and Friends
Finding out you are pregnant comes with a range of thoughts and feelings. Maybe you were incredibly excited! Maybe you were suddenly filled with worry. Or maybe it was both at the same time.
Those first few weeks before sharing the happy news are the most isolating and scary, and there is a sense of relief when you are finally able to announce it to family and friends. For most of us, it is a joy to share the happy news, and having others to talk with can lift a lot of those feelings of isolation. However, once we let them into our excitement and joy, some difficulties can arise as we notice changes and shifts in our varying relationships.
It’s Not All About Me
Pregnancy can change the way your friends and family view you. Of course, you will always be that individual's friend, sister, daughter, or daughter-in-law—but now you are also carrying a new life who becomes that individual's niece or nephew, grandson or granddaughter. The new addition can add to and sometimes complicate these preexisting relationships. Each person we are in a relationship with is now forming a new relationship to the little one inside of you. Whether they know it or not, your pregnancy comes with their own thoughts and expectations for that relationship when the baby finally arrives.
On top of this, out of love and excitement, the new baby often becomes the central topic of discussion in so many of your daily interactions. Family and friends want to share in our experience, but as every expecting mother can probably relate to, sometimes we want to shift the discussion and revert back to life before pregnancy. At other times, all we want is the space to vent or talk about the pregnancy, and in some instances, it can feel as if our loved ones have forgotten or don’t care. Especially when symptoms flare, or in difficult moments during the pregnancy, it can feel like a double-edged sword. Sometimes, we welcome the questions and support; at others, all we want is to be left alone. It’s even possible to feel both of these in the same conversation.
Dealing with What Others Think of Your Decisions
Others in our lives will also have thoughts and feelings surrounding the decisions you make during and after pregnancy. And while many of these comments and discussions may be well-meaning, they can also create tension in the relationship if you feel the individual is overstepping or being overly critical.
Pregnancy is a sensitive time, and there are so many different decisions to make: what to eat, what to put on the registry, how you will give birth, how you’ll handle work and life when the baby arrives, and so many more. It’s a lot and can be overwhelming! Family and friends can be great assets to help us navigate the answers to many of these questions, but at times their help or advice can feel less helpful and more critical.
What Can We Do?
What can we do? It may seem obvious, but just because it’s obvious doesn’t make it easy. If we are experiencing difficulties in our relationship with family and friends, we must be willing to have conversations about it. If we aren’t willing to voice how we feel, we cannot expect our family and friends to know.
Depending on the relationship and how we are feeling, this can be as simple as redirecting the conversation by simply stating, “I’m all talked-out about the baby; let’s talk about something else.” Or the conversation can be more substantial where we bring up how we are feeling and set boundaries and expectations for the relationship going forward. In these discussions, it’s important to remember that the person on the other side of the conversation loves you and has their own thoughts and feelings, which must be taken into account.
Relationships Are Always Changing
Relationships are dynamic, always changing and growing. With your pregnancy and the new arrival on the way, these changes are inevitable, but they don’t always have to be negative. Your relationships with others will expand and grow as you take on the new role of mother, and that is a beautiful thing. It is up to you and that other individual to work to redefine and have conversations around what your relationship will look like going forward.