Here Comes the Bride: Marriage and Womanhood
After 27 years of marriage, I still remember my wedding day as if it were yesterday. I woke up at 7:00 am and was in the salon at 8:00 am. After hair, nails, a nap, and make-up, I was ready to put on my wedding gown and meet my handsome prince to begin our “happily ever after” life together.
Marriage is beautiful but, unfortunately, we often view it through the eyes of Disney fairytales and Hallmark movies. This can leave us in disappointment when we do not always experience such a “happy ending.”
Ladies, here is the question: if no one is perfect, why do we expect to form a “perfect union” when we get married? During my wedding ceremony, my pastor said, “There are some needs only God can meet.” This statement has been so impactful in my marriage. We often make our husbands into a “golden calf”—an idolized version of what we want a spouse to be—and no longer see them as finite humans who have limitations and cannot read our minds. We may see him as a superhero with a cape, but he cannot fill the void that is solely for God.
I would like to suggest some practical ways to refrain from idolizing our husbands and keeping God in the center of our marriage:
Pray for our husbands. When we are praying for our fiancé/husbands, we are acknowledging they need help. Be careful not to compare your husband to someone else. Your husband is uniquely designed by God and his needs are specific. We want to be sure our prayers for him are not just what we desire of him.
Cherish every moment. Young couples may focus more on what lies ahead in their future (homes, jobs, children) instead of enjoying each other today. Planning is wise but we really only have today to see and enjoy “what God has joined together.” While we look forward with great expectation to all the wonderful things that are in store for us as husband and wife, we can thank God each day for uniting us together.
Store up love. The Bible tells us how Joseph warned Pharoah of Egypt’s seven years of plenty and the coming seven years of famine. Therefore, Egypt prepared for the famine by gathering more during the time when there was an overflow. Likewise, there are times in marriage when we experience famine. New brides cannot conceive of this thought. Believe it or not, dry seasons in marriage are inevitable. 1 Corinthians 13 is often read during marriage ceremonies because it tells us the characteristics of love. In my Bible, I have replaced the word love with my name. It reads “Resna is patient, Resna is kind, Resna is long-suffering, Resna does not keep records of wrong.” When we are habitually seeking God on how to love our husbands, we are able to continue to love during the lean times in our marriage.
Give both of you permission to make mistakes. God demonstrated His love for us by forgiving us for things done in the past, present, and future. As we transition from the single life to being a wife, we have to allow ourselves to not have it all together. We have to offer grace to ourselves and our husbands. We need to learn not to “sweat the small stuff.” We need to release ourselves from the pressure of being a “power couple” and be comfortable in our imperfections.
Lastly, ladies, be sure you have a “Naomi” in your life. The intimate relationship between Ruth and Naomi illustrates the need for wise counsel. Ruth respected Naomi and knew she had her best interest at heart. This is why it was not difficult for her to follow her advice (Ruth 1). Your Naomi should be a woman with whom you are comfortable being transparent and vulnerable. A woman who you know will speak “the truth in love” to you.
As you look forward to your wedding and a wonderful life with your prince charming, invite God along for the journey. There are times in your marriage when only He will understand and only He will meet your deepest longings.