7 Challenges Teens Face Today
“She wanted to go back. She wanted to be a little girl again, the one who thought getting high meant being pushed on the swing and pain was falling off her bike." - Amy Zhang in Falling into Place
Doesn’t that quote just take your breath away for a moment? It is hard growing up.
Teenagers get a bad rap—they are often seen as mouthy, irreverent, lazy, and impulsive. They certainly can be all those things, but have we ever wondered why?
The teenage years are, in many ways, the end of innocence. It’s a time of transformation, growth, hormones, and honestly, much difficulty and suffering. This is especially the case during a worldwide, ever-changing pandemic. Emotionally, mentally, academically, spiritually, relationally, and even physically, teenagers have suffered from the changes COVID-19 has caused in our world. From all sides, kids today are facing challenges that can feel so overwhelming.
Here are seven common challenges teens are facing today:
1. Managing technology
Phones, computers, social media, video games. As a parent, how do we correctly monitor the time and involvement that teens have with devices? Do we allow social media? At what age do teenagers have a right to privacy? What are the costs, such as mistrust and relationship disconnect, if we do look through their phone? What do we do when our teen is addicted, losing sleep, and failing to participate in activities because of their phone?
Deep breath here—we are not alone in these concerns. I fear there are no easy answers, but rather a continuing conversation around healthy limits and usage. Teens (and adults) must learn to notice technology addiction or harmful use, such as cyberbullying or inappropriate pictures/videos. Work through this with your teen. Avoid making authoritative ultimatums and you will foster a healthier relationship between yourself and your teen, and between your teen and their technology.
2. Anxiety
Lots of teens are so, so anxious—and with good reason. From the time they get up until they go to sleep, many teens battle an onslaught of destructive thoughts and worries. Whether they are scared about facing a bully, taking a test in a subject they don’t understand, finding someone to sit with at lunch—think about all the anxiety that can come with just one day.
This is a complicated need, but a first step in addressing anxiety can be to take notice of the wellness basics:
Sleep: Are they getting enough sleep? Restful sleep?
Physical wellness: Are they eating right? Exercising?
Activities: Are they committed to too many? Are they lacking things to be involved in?
Relationships: Do they have strong friendships? Positive influences/mentors?
Devices: Do they spend time away from screens?
All of these elements of human wellness factor into anxiety and can be manageable first steps in trying to help.
3. Sexuality, gender, and relationships
Hormones can be the least of it here, as this area can be confusing and scary to both teenagers and parents. Offer an environment of openness and comfort to your teens to help bridge the (seemingly huge) gap between parent and child here. You can’t make a teen talk about sex, but you can be calm and remind your child every chance you get that you love them. Let them know you are the first to show up for them, to listen, to talk without shame, to answer any questions.
4. Substance use
“The first drug is the worst drug,” but what do you do if they are already on this path? If your teen is drinking, smoking, or doing drugs, get help quickly at somewhere like SAMHSA. Resources and support are available. Be a good example yourself of limits, and regularly remind teens of the dangers of substance use.
5. Existential crises
Who am I? What am I good at? What do I do? The teen years are a bridge between childhood and adulthood—and approaching adulthood can be scary! Many teens don’t know what they want to do as a career, and looming future questions can feel paralyzing. I firmly believe that saying, “You can do anything you want, be anyone you want to be!” can actually be unhelpful. Instead, help your teen assess their strengths, abilities, and interests, and build a plan from there.
6. Loneliness, social anxiety, and social isolation
You probably didn’t read that without thinking about COVID-19. While that has certainly been hugely impactful, teenagers have been struggling with loneliness long before March 2020. Community is very important and I’d suggest you go to church in person. Encourage your teen to participate in activities they have interest in even if that means you’re paying for it. Obviously, that could affect the budget, but the cost of social isolation can be even more harmful.
7. Suicide and self-harm
Many teens have either thought about this or know someone who has; it is that prevalent. Getting and maintaining help is crucial. It’s not just for the terrible moment you find out your teen is in crisis—they need ongoing care. Resources are at the bottom of this post.
There is no one-size-fits-all solution to any of these hardships. Some require intervention, and quickly. If you fear your teen is hurting themselves or thinking about suicide, reach out to a mental health professional. If you think your child is being bullied, have a meeting with school administration to figure out a safe solution. Also, involve your teen in every step as you try to keep them out of harm's way, whether at their own hand or someone else’s.
Some challenges don’t really have a solution, but a date with you and a cup of their favorite coffee or ice cream could help. That won’t fix anything immediately, but it will help you both get through just one more hour of one more day. That matters, and it is something. The biggest thing is being open to talk if they want to—just be available. There are big questions and scary challenges out there for teens to face, but facing them with honesty and support makes them that much more manageable.
We at CCCRD love teenagers (and their parents)! Contact us if you’d like to be connected with a counselor who can help navigate these challenging years.
Additional resources:
New Jersey Suicide Prevention Hopeline at 1-855-654-6735 | www.njhopeline.com.
Please visit this website for more screening and outreach programs: www.nj.gov/dcf/adolescent/prevention/