The Emotional Impact of Miscarriage and Infertility
One of the difficulties of motherhood may happen long before delivery. For many mothers, pregnancy doesn’t come as easily as planned. Miscarriage and infertility are facts of life that are difficult to bear.
Miscarriage and infertility are generally spoken of more freely than in previous years. Mothers are more willingly to talk about it and share their experiences on social media about navigating the ups and downs, whether that is infertility or the grief of miscarriage.
Yet this can still be a very sensitive subject. For lots of people in various contexts, pregnancy issues remain a very “hush-hush” topic. Many miscarriages and struggles with infertility go unseen and unheard—along with the emotional struggles that come with them. As many as one in five women (20%) will suffer a miscarriage [2]. This is a very large number of mothers (and fathers) affected by the challenges of pregnancy. This also means it’s worth taking a look at how infertility and miscarriages can affect us emotionally.
The emotional effects of miscarriage and infertility
Battles with infertility and miscarriage can cause a lot of emotional difficulties.
Infertile women tend to report more distress, health complaints, mood disorders, anxiety, depression, and complicated grief. Women with no children struggling with infertility have been shown to experience dysthymia (also called Persistent Depressive Disorder) and anxiety disorders [1]. And it affects fathers emotionally and mentally, too. Men that had no children and struggled with infertility experienced a poorer quality of life compared to men without infertility concerns [1].
Miscarriage similarly often causes grief, depression, and isolation [2]. Studies have shown mothers with previous children were better able to cope with grief than those with no children [2]. This suggests it’s important to have loving people around you when dealing with miscarriage, even if those people are your own children.
Frequent or recurring miscarriages may heighten a woman’s emotional experience. It’s easy to start asking a lot of scary, difficult questions. Do I have other health problems keeping me from getting pregnant? Can I even hold a pregnancy? Is there something wrong with my body or my partner's body? Will I ever have the baby I long for? Questions like these bring about understandable emotional distress.
Miscarriage and infertility’s emotional weight
As you can see, this is an emotionally heavy topic that for many years was brushed aside as a normal part of childbearing. But the experience of losing a child through pregnancy or experiencing infertility cannot be cast aside so easily—it can be all-consuming. Whether it’s undergoing fertility treatments, constantly tracking fertile windows, shots, and hormones; or whether it’s the joy of new life followed by the deep grief of miscarriage, there is fear, worry, and concern for the desired future family of the couple. It all takes an emotional, financial, and physical toll on a woman and her partner.
All in all, these realities are just hard.
Showing compassion toward those struggling with pregnancy
In the heavy moments, it is important to recognize the weight of this season of life. Be gentle with yourself and your partner. Seek counsel from a wise and compassionate friend, or reach out to a mental health professional if needed.
The toll is felt by both partners, but sometimes it might be hitting one partner harder than the other. When this happens, give your partner space to talk about the grief, worries, fears, and concerns. Talk about how your life hopes and expectations—your imagined future as a family—may have changed. These are heavy moments and the best thing to do is be present and not push away the emotions.
Here’s one promise to hold onto:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” - Psalms 34:18
He is with you in this time. He may feel distant or far amidst suffering, but God is there with you. He never leaves, and he is near the crushed in spirit. Even when the challenges of miscarriage and infertility feel like too much to bear.
[1] Klemetti, R., Raitanen, J., Sihvo, S., Saarni, S., & Koponen, P. (2010), Infertility, mental disorders and well-being – a nationwide survey. Acta Obstetricia et Gynecologica Scandinavica, 89: 677-682. https://doi.org/10.3109/00016341003623746
[2] Volgsten, H., Jansson, C., Svanberg, A. S., Darj, E., & Stavreus-Evers, A. (2018). Longitudinal study of emotional experiences, grief and depressive symptoms in women and men after miscarriage. Midwifery, 64, 23–28. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.midw.2018.05.003