How Building Confidence Helps Cope With Social Anxiety

If you experience social anxiety, it probably feels difficult to have self-confidence when interacting with others. This could be for many reasons. Maybe it feels like your anxiety limits you, holds you back, or makes you doubt your social abilities. Anxiety paired with a lack of self-confidence only adds to the fear of not being able to handle situations.

Social anxiety and low self-confidence often go hand-in-hand. It makes sense, then, that increasing self-confidence can decrease your level of social anxiety. But how can you build self-confidence? 

5 ways to boost self-confidence

1. Cast a vision

What would more self-confidence allow you to do?

Create a list of things you think you would be able to accomplish if you had a higher level of self-confidence. Imagine a version of yourself that has confidence and all the changes this would bring to your life. How would you interact with the people around you? What activities or events might you take part in? This allows you to imagine what life could be like if you were less afraid of approaching others or trying new things.

2. Make a goal 

Within the list of things you would do if you had more self-confidence, find a goal and write out a plan to pursue it.

For example, let’s say your self-confidence is getting in the way of asking for a raise at work. You’ll need to build some comfort with asking for what you need. Write out a plan that includes asking for things you are comfortable with. Over time, you’ll feel more freedom to ask for bigger things—like a raise or a promotion. 

3. Find a community

Your family and friends want to see you succeed! Being open and vulnerable about your self-confidence struggles allows the people in your life to help you gain confidence. If family doesn’t provide this for you, try finding a support group. There are many support groups, online and in person, that are made for helping people get through anxiety who share similar struggles and challenges as you.

4. Sharpen your conversational skills

Social settings can be difficult—upgrade your conversational skills to approach others a bit more confidently.

Conversations are a two-way street. It’s not just about knowing what to say—half the work (or more) is in listening well. One thing to remember when having a conversation is “turning” more than you are “taking.”

“Taking” a conversation means bringing whatever the other person is talking about back to yourself; this can cause the conversation to come to a natural end. “Turning,” on the other hand, is finding something you can relate to and adding a follow-up. This makes for better communication because it lets the person know that you are engaged in the conversation and interested in hearing more. 

Example: Say you are talking to someone about a recent hike. “Taking” the conversation would sound like, “I’ve gone hiking there too.” Stopping here would most likely end the conversation. However, if you “turn” the conversation it might sound like, “I’ve been there too! What was your favorite part of the hike?” This adds to the conversation and tells the other person that you are actively paying attention and interested in hearing more.

5. Examine how you want to be perceived

How do you want others to see you?

This requires knowing how you want to feel in social settings. If you enter a social setting unsure of how you want to be perceived, it may come across that way. Instead, take time before an event you’re anxious about and determine how you would like to feel.

Want to feel confident, interesting, secure? Naming this helps you become aware of other anxious feelings as they arise. From there, recognize it’s ok to feel anxious, and then remind yourself of your supports, your value, and believe you have something unique to offer those around you.

Conclusion

Low self-confidence can often come with social anxiety. These five techniques can help you achieve your goal to possess more self-confidence and be comfortable in social settings.