And Baby Makes Three
No matter how many books you read, childbirth classes you attend, or experienced moms you speak with, nothing can prepare you for the moment you first lay eyes on your precious baby. This is truly love at first sight, and your heart tells you it is definitely mutual. The pregnancy, labor/pain, and delivery all seem like a distant memory once you are holding your bundle of joy for the first time. You want that moment to last forever.
But after the adrenaline wears off, moms are left with the realities of motherhood: crying, diaper changing, sleep fatigue, leaky sore breasts, and sometimes loneliness. New moms may find themselves asking, “Why didn’t anyone prepare me for the postpartum months?!”
Trying to be the perfect mom
As a new mom, you want to do everything right and by the book. We all know there are no perfect people, but we can sometimes fall for the lie that if we work hard enough we can in fact be the perfect mom. My baby will be on a schedule, and I will be able to keep up with everything else, my baby will begin to sleep through the night in a few weeks, my baby will not have long crying episodes, and I will return to my pre-pregnancy weight.
Sometimes we are our own worst enemy because we do not give ourselves mercy and grace. We forbid ourselves from making a mistake. New moms often feel inadequate and may not be transparent or vulnerable; they want others to view them as “the good mom” and may not be open and honest when they need help.
Mom, while caring for your newborn is fulfilling and rewarding, at times it can also feel confusing, agonizing, demanding, and unbearable. Unlike their babys’ cries, moms may feel like theirs go unheard. Here are some suggestions to help you as you begin your mothering journey.
Words of wisdom as you begin motherhood
1. Believe you are a great mom! God chose you to be a mom. He knows you better than you know yourself. He knows your heart and thoughts (Psalm 139). Despite imperfections, He is allowing you to parent and trusting you to “raise up this child in the way they should go” (Proverbs 22:6). New moms sometimes see themselves through the mirror image of veteran moms. Veteran moms seem to parent effortlessly. Let me tell you a secret: veteran moms were once new moms with the same feelings, thoughts, and emotions as you. You can glean from their experiences, but do not compare. Like each child, each experience of parenting is unique. God will give you what you need for your baby.
2. Relax and enjoy your baby. When I had my first child, I was very meticulous and kept a journal of each unexplained cry, each phone call to the pediatrician (which were several), and a list of questions to ask at each wellness visit. During one of our doctor’s visits, my pediatrician answered my host of questions and then held my hand, looked me in the eye, and said, “Mrs. Brunson, you are doing a wonderful job. Relax and enjoy your baby.” I understood then I was not taking the time to enjoy my son. While trying to keep a daily schedule, I did not take time to hold him without thinking about what I had to do next. I was not enjoying the moments. Don’t forget to enjoy this new and great thing that has happened!
3. Connect with other new moms. New moms find comfort in the presence of each other. You are experiencing the same things and can fully empathize with each other. You’ll find truth in the verse, “There is wisdom in a multitude of counselors” (Proverbs 11:14). This can also be a group where you and your child can develop lasting relationships.
4. Lastly, prioritize time for YOU. This may seem impossible between all the mom chores, but it is necessary. No amount of time is too small. You may only have one-minute intervals to put your feet up, exhale, and reflect. Do not overlook self-care.
Taking it day by day
On my mothering journey, there was a woman with whom I felt comfortable being vulnerable about my feelings as a new mom. On my son’s first birthday, this friend wrote me a beautiful letter. She reminded me of the hymn, “Great Is Thy Faithfulness” and wrote that God will give me strength for each day and bright hope for each tomorrow.
Motherhood is a high calling. Look forward to the experiences each new tomorrow brings.