Forgotten Vices, Forgotten Virtues: Lust vs. Chastity
Sean Kelly, LAC continues his series on the Seven Deadly Sins and their virtue counterparts. Catch up on Forgotten Vices, Forgotten Virtues: Reclaiming a Christian Tradition here.
“I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line”
– Johnny Cash
Sex is good. Sexual desire is good. These are truly gifts from God, and we should be able to proclaim this without hesitation and without blushing. Yet, looking around at our world, something has gone terribly wrong.
Lust: A Good Desire Gone Wrong
It’s important to understand that many vices are something good taken to an extreme. It starts with a good and natural desire (such as the desire for food) but becomes a sickness (such as gluttony) if left unchecked and not channeled into its proper place.
Sexual desire has its own proper purpose and parameters: it is meant to be channeled into an expression of selfless love for one’s spouse. But lust inverts this (or, more aptly, perverts this). Lust seeks to use and abuse one’s own body and to use and abuse others for the sake of one’s own sexual pleasure. Simply put, lust is sexual desire that has become disordered.
Lust has both an outward physical component and an inward spiritual component, and we must take both seriously. Paul has some strong words to say about the physical component:
“Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.”
(1 Corinthians 6:18)
Any sexually immoral act, which Scripture and the tradition of the Church have held to be any sexual act outside of the marriage relationship between a husband and a wife, will lead us away from God’s design and toward the sickness of lust.
Yet lustful thoughts in our hearts are equally dangerous. The Lord Himself tells us in His Sermon on the Mount: “Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).
As Christians, our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and members of Christ’s body. And we are also called to have the mind of Christ. When we honor and respect both our bodies and our minds by using them in the way God intended, we can have harmony and union with God and with others, as well as harmony within ourselves.
Lust, on the other hand, whether committed in thought or in deed, causes a fracture between not only us and God or us and others; it causes division (or disharmony) between our very own body and soul. And we need the redemptive, healing power of chastity to bring us back into harmony.
Don’t Be a Prude
Before defining chastity, let’s be clear what it is not: chastity is not the same as prudishness.
Prudishness is a rejection of sexual desire itself as something wicked. To be prudish is to be so overly concerned with sexual immorality that sexuality itself becomes uncomfortable and even disturbing.
This is the great folly of the “purity culture” movement. Reacting against the licentiousness of the sexual revolution, proponents of purity culture grabbed hold of the pendulum and flung it violently in the other direction. Either extreme fails to honor God’s good gift of sexuality and leads to fracturing rather than wholeness.
Chastity: A Harmony of Body and Soul
To find healing from the sicknesses of lust and prudishness, we must pursue the virtue of chastity. Chastity is a proper integration of sexuality within a person that seeks a purity of heart and a harmony of body and soul.
The two extremes don’t work: lust treats our bodies as merely a means for pleasure, and prudishness treats them as something to be feared or despised. Chastity instead calls us to embrace our bodies as good creations of God and treat them with care and appreciation. And we must also strive to maintain this same care and appreciation for our inner life, taking care not to linger on lustful thoughts or indulge in sexual fantasies.
Channeling Sexual Desire
To those actively struggling against lust, sexual desire often feels less like a gift from God and more like a curse. So, what are we to do with this so-called good desire? We could waste it on immoral physical sexual acts or waste our attention on nurturing lustful fantasies, which will leave us physically, mentally, and spiritually fatigued. Or we could channel this good desire in the way God intended, using the energy that it brings as fuel for a selfless pursuit of God and others.
Take, for example, a young single man who longs to be married and is overwhelmed with sexual frustration. Rather than nurturing his lust, he can channel his sexual energy into developing the kind of character that will greatly please his future wife. Rather than pull him apart, this energy can drive him toward greater wholeness, health, and Christlikeness. Seen in this way, his good sexual desire is being directed toward the same proper end as if he were already married: as an expression of selfless love for his (future) wife.
It is only by directing sexual desire toward the good of others that we can fully realize what a gift it truly is. Because, as our Lord says, it is more blessed to give than receive.
7 Practical Ways to Grow in Chastity
With this rationale for seeking chastity over lust or prudishness, here are seven ways to grow in chastity.
1. Celebrate your progress
Lust can be one of the most discouraging vices to take on, especially in an age when we are constantly inundated with sexual messages. While we shouldn’t minimize our sin, we must not fall into despair either. Sanctification is a process, and the victories that we find along the way can and should be celebrated—as long as it is accompanied by humility and diligence to keep on moving in the right direction.
2. Take care of your body
Practicing chastity is about harmony of body and soul. A nutritional diet, regular exercise, and adequate sleep will go a long way in maintaining that harmony and will provide a stronger foundation to fight against temptation.
3. Have accountability
“Accountability partners” are common in Christian circles for good reason: In these relationships, we can find the freedom from shame that comes with confessing our sins to one another and the encouragement needed to strive for purity. It’s also incredibly helpful to have someone who is further along in their journey than you who can shed light on the path. As Bernard of Clairvaux points out, “He who takes himself as his own spiritual director is the disciple of a fool.”
4. Know your triggers
If you find yourself falling into lustful acts or fantasies, stop and take some time to reflect. What were you thinking, feeling, and doing beforehand that may have triggered your lustful desires? The more awareness you have of these triggers, the more you will be able to prevent the same patterns from playing out in the future.
5. Set rules for yourself
It’s not sinful to live next door to a liquor store, but for someone who struggles with alcoholism, it might be helpful to set rules for themselves to keep their distance from bars, liquor stores, etc. Similarly, you may find it prudent to set some rules for yourself. For instance, even if some social media apps aren’t problematic for others, you might decide it is helpful to delete them from your phone entirely. Figuring out which rules to set requires the kind of wisdom that can only come through prayer and self-reflection.
6. Be mindful of your media
Part of treating our hearts and minds with care is being careful about what we allow into them, especially when it comes to entertainment. Ask yourself, is this beneficial for me? This may require deeper reflection than simply avoiding movies with sex scenes in them. An overindulgence in rom-com movies could prove just as dangerous if it brings you to see romance as primarily about getting your own desires and fantasies fulfilled. There is certainly no magic formula here, as what may be problematic for one person may be totally fine for another.
7. Embrace community
As we’ve said, lust brings a fracturing not only within a person but also between people. Pursuing harmonious, mutually supportive, life-giving relationships is essential to experiencing that same kind of harmony within ourselves.
Keep Fighting the Good Fight
The battle against lust can be disheartening. The sense of defeat is overwhelming at times. But the choice to engage in this battle shows immense courage, and even in the midst of defeat, you can be assured that growth is happening. I will end here with a quote by CS Lewis from his seminal work Mere Christianity:
“Those who are seriously attempting chastity are more conscious, and soon know a great deal more about their own sexuality than anyone else... virtue—even attempted virtue—brings light; indulgence brings fog."
