How to Get Out of the Social Media Comparison Trap

It’s an age-old phrase: times are changing.

Things are a lot different from when I was a teenager. Back then, most social interactions and the pressures of building relationships happened during the school day. We might have texted or chatted on AIM when we had the chance. But beyond that, I had little idea of what my friends were doing (or what I was missing out on). Now, what others are up to is accessible by the touch of a screen. It’s far easier to compare ourselves to others than ever before. 

Comparison is certainly not a new issue. People have always compared themselves to their peers. However, a major difference in comparison in very recent history is our ability to compare ourselves endlessly and easily to what we see online. With the creation of the internet and social media, it is easier than ever to see what others are doing, experiencing, and achieving.

What I’m hearing from students

Alongside my work at CCCRD, I’m also in the process of earning my degree in school counseling. This has given me an interesting look into current issues students face in academics and relationships on a daily basis. I’ve learned that most of what students think or understand about their peers comes through the lens of social media.

I often hear things from students like: “Why is everyone else happy and I’m not?”; “I wish I was as perfect as them”; or “My life is worse than theirs.” It seems that students’ self-esteem, mindsets, and values are affected negatively by comparing themselves to the accounts they follow. Younger and younger students get onto these platforms without the reasoning skills to see social media might not always be what it seems—that highlight moments usually aren’t an accurate depiction of others’ lives. The frustrating and difficult parts of life are usually left out of the feed. They start to think that they are the only ones facing anxiety, embarrassment, fear, or depression. Thinking “I’m the only one” can have a spiral effect, pushing us deeper into anxiety and depression. 

4 ways to get out of the comparisons trap

With the effects of comparison in mind, let’s look at four things to remember when we’re comparing ourselves to others. 

1. Recognize how you’re being affected by what you see on social media

It’s important to recognize that you are starting to be affected by what you see on social media. It is ok to compare yourself to someone else—that’s not a problem on its own. The problem comes when comparison causes you to think less of yourself or someone else. I believe that is the point where this becomes a sin issue and is harmful. First seeing that you are comparing, then cutting yourself some slack, and finally looking for a different way to go about it is the healthy way to go. 

2. Consider what you have to be grateful for

Gratitude for the things we already have can put a lot of our comparison issues into perspective. Do you have a house? A car? A job? People who love you? All of those are things that some people do not have at all. Even those who have more than you inevitably struggle with comparisons. It is such a simple concept, but certainly easier said than done. However, focusing on what we have and practicing thankfulness for it can put things into perspective. 

3. Intentionally focus on others

Move your focus from yourself to others and consider how you can encourage, support, or love someone else. Spending time thinking about someone else moves your focus away from comparing yourself to others for a while. 

4. Consider how you’ve grown

I think there is one person that it is healthy for me to compare myself to—me! Am I a better version of myself today than I was yesterday? Compare who you are in the present to who you were yesterday. How can you make an effort to improve and grow? When we look at who we were in the past and see who we are now, we can be proud of the ways we have grown. Not feeling too proud of the ways you’ve changed? There’s room for that too. It’s never too late to better ourselves and strive to look more like Jesus. 

These four practices can go a long way in changing the thought process and mindset of comparison. 2 Corinthians 10:12 discusses how comparing ourselves with others takes our focus off the gifts, abilities, and strengths we actually have. There will realistically always be someone that is better than us at something—and that’s ok. Understanding that fact and then implementing these four approaches can help alleviate some of the stress and pressure that comparison culture creates.

Be confident in the strengths that you have and use them to love others and glorify God!